Okay. In the spirit of honest communication I must admit that things aren't all that great right now. I'm chalking a lot of it up to a lack of regular uninterrupted sleep. There's a tiny voice in my brain that's laying the blame on the shorter days and impending freeze. Whispering, wondering if I'll somehow manage to make it through this winter without the interior darkness.
I think prayer is in order. Thanks.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Inopportune Timing
Two weeks ago, some fairly significant stuff went down concerning my siblings, father, and stepmother. We've reached a point where all parties are talking to each other in varying degrees (almost) so I guess it wasn't cataclysmic. It seemed cataclysmic at the time, but I suppose this is the nature of fairly significant things. Or my outlook upon them. Regardless of the label, the earth shook and the stars realigned and things are a little bit different now. I have hope that these differences will contribute to the greater good in the end.
But I try to err on the side of hope these days. Pessimism breeds ugliness. Wouldn't want me heart to freeze that way.
In the midst of these family issues, I made some resolutions. They haven't been tested so I won't waste my time here with them. Time will bear them out or wear them down.
I found out how... grown up, I guess, I've become in the middle of all this. And finding out how grown up I was had nothing to do with any of the family except in relation to time. And perhaps distraction.
I was fixing dinner and thinking about my resolutions. Fearing the cataclysm. Sick over the impending (I thought) chaos and tired of bearing the load of my family's craziness. I wasn't really focused on those onions I was chopping and as a result the knife slipped.
It was a big slip: I had to have 8 stitches to close the wound.
Immediately I went for the sink and paper towels to staunch the blood. The need for medical attention was pretty clear. And that's when my 'grown up' moment hit me: standing there watching my nice red blood drip into the white porcelain sink I thought: "I don't have time for this."
Hopefully, if it had been someone else's blood dripping down I would have found a wealth of patience, a deep well of compassion - or at least summed up a modicum of grace for that person. But for myself, I thought: "I don't have time for this." And I stood there lamenting the time it would take to be treated, to clean up the bloody mess, that I was now unable to finish fixing dinner, etc.
This train of thought is some kind of commentary on my life these days. As is the circumstances surrounding it. I'm sure it bears scrutiny but, alas, I don't have the time.
But I try to err on the side of hope these days. Pessimism breeds ugliness. Wouldn't want me heart to freeze that way.
In the midst of these family issues, I made some resolutions. They haven't been tested so I won't waste my time here with them. Time will bear them out or wear them down.
I found out how... grown up, I guess, I've become in the middle of all this. And finding out how grown up I was had nothing to do with any of the family except in relation to time. And perhaps distraction.
I was fixing dinner and thinking about my resolutions. Fearing the cataclysm. Sick over the impending (I thought) chaos and tired of bearing the load of my family's craziness. I wasn't really focused on those onions I was chopping and as a result the knife slipped.
It was a big slip: I had to have 8 stitches to close the wound.
Immediately I went for the sink and paper towels to staunch the blood. The need for medical attention was pretty clear. And that's when my 'grown up' moment hit me: standing there watching my nice red blood drip into the white porcelain sink I thought: "I don't have time for this."
Hopefully, if it had been someone else's blood dripping down I would have found a wealth of patience, a deep well of compassion - or at least summed up a modicum of grace for that person. But for myself, I thought: "I don't have time for this." And I stood there lamenting the time it would take to be treated, to clean up the bloody mess, that I was now unable to finish fixing dinner, etc.
This train of thought is some kind of commentary on my life these days. As is the circumstances surrounding it. I'm sure it bears scrutiny but, alas, I don't have the time.
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