Curses.

How do you tell someone that your depressed? The words don't even seem to fit right.

I'm doing my thing. I get up, help the kids, fold the laundry. I take responsibility and see it through (almost) all the time. OK. A lot of the time. And I'm doing all the things that are supposed to be hleping.

I'm afraid of what this would be if I weren't doing those things. Far, far wrose, I'm sure. I'd probably stop getting out of bed.

But what do you do when you're already doing all the right things, and it's getting worse anyway?

There are two of me. One of them just wants to lay in bed all day long. That one is getting louder.

Have you ever stared too long into something bright, then looked away? The white spot in your eyes stays with you, for awhile. Then it fades away and everything is fine again. That's how this depressive thing is supposed to work for me now. It's there, in my eyes, for a little while. Then fades away. But this spot just keeps growing.

I want to cry all the time. I don't hardly cry at all. I'm tired, but afraid that all of this will get worse and tomorrow will be the day I can't leave it behind and go about my business.

I don't want to let anyone down. I don't want to sink below the surface. I want to... just feel better. Just feel normal. I want the spot to fade away.

But I've been wanting that for awhile, and it's not working.

None of this makes much sense. That's how I feel. That's how the depression feels. Such a stupid word for this thing. So sanitized. So ordinary. I think I might be broken.