Hiding Spaces

I crave what you have, your unabashed and seemingly limitless store of creativity.
I set goals for myself:
Do this every day.
Do this once a week.
Do this once a month.
Just try. Sometimes. Once. Again.
It's harder than it used to be.
I've let go of some of the things that torment me and find I am anchorless without them.
I've found the things that are still dragging me down and I drown before I can voice them.
Somewhere between the joy and the death there is life worth noting but I never learned the knack of seeing the inbetweens.

Roadblocks

My birthday is on the horizon and I feel just as stuck as ever. I so desperately want to spill all these words out into the ether, pull them forcefully from my head, until the chaos is quiet and I can sleep again. Suddenly I crave all the things that are bad for me. All the things I don't allow myself to indulge in anymore.

Change is harder than I thought it could be, more demanding than anything I've done in my life.