Inside Outsides

I dragged myself out of bed this morning in the most unglamorous way possible and was so grateful that there was no one standing beside me to witness such things.
After a long night, week, month, year, glamour has faded away under the brutal constancy of my existence.
After spending just the minimum of time needed, I was showered and awake (though awake is a strong word for my state)
And feeling vulnerable, fragile, tenuous.
I feel in danger of fading away completely.
I armed myself in the loudest, brightest shirt I own.
It’s a ridiculous shirt, red, blue, yellow swirls.
It’s a shirt usually reserved for laundry days or quiet house days,
Not days like today when I’m out among people I suspect are quietly judging my wardrobe choices.
But today’s tenuousness and fragility required something ridiculous and loud,
So I walked out into the world wearing my armor and hoping for the best.
Halfway through the day, I realized I had donned my shirt inside out, and I left it that way for a bit, daring myself to be strong.