Positive thoughts

Since I have the illusion that somewhere, someone is reading this little thing of mine, I also have the delusion that people might like what I have to write. Or how I write it. Or something like that.

I've combined my delusions with my addiction to making myself miserable by submitting poems to various contests/journal submission calls. So far, NADA. I haven't even gotten a rejection letter. Apparently, they aren't in style anymore. Icy silence seems to be the way of disregard.

I digress.

Ok. No rejection letter, no acceptance either. I know, I'm crazy anyway. I keep blocking out which places I have submitted, what I submitted, and when the deadlines pass. To keep some degree of organization, I keep all that info in a handy word doc. That word doc has kindly reminded me that end of year deadlines are creeping up. And I wonder how much hope to have in the next 2 -3 months that somewhere a journal wants to publish something of mine.

All this is really just an exercise in failure. My therapist could probably talk your ear off for at least 2 hours going on about my failure related issues. How I've failed myself, how I have failed others, how I set myself up to fail, how others have failed me.... blah, blah, blah. The thing is, I actually expect to be rejected.

I think I'd rather have a cold rejection than icy silence.

I have to go now. My computer is trying sooooo hard to keep cool. I can hear it's little fan groaning. That also means that my screen is anywhere from 1 letter to 20 behind me as I type. It's damn irritating.