Slogging through the crap.

I'm tired.

It's a ridiculous little sentence that doesn't come close to expressing the true depth of my feeling. Exhausted. Drained. Depleted. Fatigued. Empty. Maybe those help paint a picture. But in the end, what of it? This is life as we know it. For now. It will change, it will get better.

The thing is, I'm not just tired. I'm all kinds of things. Tired is just the easiest one. I have this intense urge to cry but no energy to expend in that kind of emotional outburst. I don't particularly care of the feeling.

It was not a good week. Discouraging on too many fronts. Flare ups of temper. Fits of desperation. Flights of... well, something. My point is that I don't feel like things are going well and I hate the idea of it all. I'm too tired to pick myself up and keep going.

Odd Hours

When I woke up his morning, it was because the baby was crying from his bed
Though it might as well have been in my ear
So I dragged myself down the hallway and settled in to see to his Need.
As I sat there, half despairing, the room gradually lightened with the sunrise.
I wanted to appreciate the moment, to feel excited about a new day and all that
Over hyped crap,
But I never really got along with the sunrise.
Sunset, now there is were my heart lies.
The colors slowly fade away, leaving you wrapped in a gentle darkness, and at that moment I have the most faith in tomorrow.

I find myself awake at 4 am often these days, and discovered that the hour fosters strange thoughts.
The last few mornings I have forgiven a number of people I don't speak with anymore.
I offered the apology to the predawn light
Seeking solace in the diffuse glow.
At sunset, I was sure they all heard.



OK. So it's not terribly good. But what can I say? I'm too tired to think straight.