QUIET. please.

Loud. Close. Hard. Intense.

Those are good words for life off the antidepressant. The antidepressant that insulates me a little from everything, makes everything feel just that much farther away. Life is RIGHT IN MY FACE right now and it's really uncomfortable.

Which is part of the reason - possibly even most of the reason - I'm sitting at the corner desk, hiding from the kids, ignoring the need to cook dinner (after all, I just ate a bunch of skittles), and writing a rambling blog post.

Except.

Lately, those words have been fairly accurate summations of life. Until today - really, until about 4 hours ago - when life went from loud, close, hard, and intense to

Seemingly

Unbearable.

But what's a responsible educated woman to do?

I am resisting the urge to simply implode my life. To undo the work of 16 years. To... make walking away justifiable.

But.

I'm resisting. Because even if I don't deserve this life we have, the people I have this life with deserve better than my destruction.