Trying, trying

I'm not happy with much of anything I write these days but I'm throwing it out there anyway to try to work through to something decent. Bear with me through this slump, and let us all hope it ends soon.

I'm frustrated with myself right now and too much of that feeling is getting in the way of everything else, including any writing I'm doing. Life is pretty good these days, but I can't seem to help but feel depressed. Or melancholy, perhaps.

I'm tired of such weighty responsibility and I wish I could hand it off for awhile. I need a rest. Such earth-shattering decisions to be made with such constant demand. It's more than needing a few more hours of sleep. It's needing time to walk away from all of this. Where's vacation when you need it?

With all this frustration and chaos going on around me, I so desperately want to wrest control of something. I want to see the cause and effect. It's been years since the image of cutting/bleeding has been so prominent in my brain. I'm both ashamed and dismayed by this state, but shame and dismay won't make it go away. Quite the opposite, actually. They are driving me closer.

But I will not succumb. I will not give up on this grasp - tenuous that it may be - on reasonable, acceptable coping mechanisms.